Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Guest Blogger, Sally Koslow

Today join me in welcoming author Sally Koslow as the special guest blogger here at Thoughts in Progress as she tours the blogsphere on her virtual blog tour.

Sally is the author of THE LATE, LAMENTED MOLLY MARX and LITTLE PINK SLIPS. Her latest release is WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE. Sally stop by today to talk about “when North starts looking like South.”

If we're lucky, we find caring friends who'll value us as much as we value them. They'll make us balloon animals if life throws a suckerpunch and don't secretly rejoice when we gain a chin and a second mortgage. Nor do they send us internet chain letters with apocalyptic threats should we fail to forward the news flash to 17 pals in the next hour. It's when such sterling friends disappoint us that north starts looking like south.

This is the theme—disappointment among friends—that I explore in my new novel, WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE.

We know not every friend is destined to be a perennial, the James Taylor or Carole King of our emotional road show. What brings a friendship to the Do Not Resuscitate point? The result depends on how bad we feel we've been had, whether and to what degree the evil one serves up remorse and plain old manners.

Here’s what got me going on writing WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE. A buddy tried to snatch an apartment I found and bid on. Afterward we didn't speak for many months. This wasn't exactly Draconian punishment, but I missed her enough so that

once she sang her sorries, we moved on. I had a harder time trying to get past a very close (or so I thought) chum who "by mistake" copied me on an email whining about how she didn't want to go to my last book party. I was hurt at this and otherpassive-aggressive gestures I began to realize I could not overlook.

The slow erode of this friendship -- which I thought would be a lifer -- is more painful than the bruise caused by the savage apartment-hunter, because with my party-dissing friend I'd believed there was an unbreakable mutual regard. Realizing that you're not appreciated at a molecular level moves a relationship into the land of phony baloney, a place reached by sailing on the ship of fools -- and truly, who's got the time? Do. Not. Resuscitate.

An early reviewer of WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE called its story line -- about four once-close women -- "achingly real." The characters don't set out to hurt one another, but reality gets in the way, and sooner than you can say steak tartare, four friendships turn raw.

The gaping hole in our lives left by the missing friendship can hurt like a phantom limb. Which is why WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE is also a story of forgiveness. Because is any aspect of friendship more important and profound than forgiveness? I don’t think so. If you can’t be a person who learns to forgive, you can’t be a good friend.

Sally, thanks for stopping by today and sharing the background on WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE. I think we’ve all had friendships we thought would last forever, but only lasted a short time.

Just a little background on Sally, her essays have been published in More, The New York Observer, and O, The Oprah Magazine, among other publications. She was the editor in chief of both McCall's and Lifetime, was an editor at Mademoiselle and Woman's Day, and has taught creative writing at the Writing Institute of Sarah Lawrence College. The mother of two sons, she lives in New York City with her husband. For more on Sally, visit her website at www.sallykoslow.com.


21 comments:

  1. This sounds like a fabulous read! It's a great theme, friends who disappoint you.

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  2. This book sounds great. Oh, the story about the friend and the e-mail. Aye! Can't wait to read your book.

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  3. Great insight on the backstory. Thanks for sharing.

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  4. Most of my lost friendships were the result in a gradual lack of communication. Women are better at keeping up with one another.

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  5. Mason - Thanks for hosting Sally.

    Sally - Friendship really is a crucial part of our lives, and it can be sad when a friendship ends, whether it's sudden or a slow erosion. It's interesting, too, how certain contexts can lead to very intense friendships; for instance serving in the military together, going to college together or sharing some other powerful experience.

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  6. This book sounds so true to life. Will take a look at it for sure. Thanks for the post.

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  7. Sally, thanks so much for guest blogging today. I think this is a subject we all can relate to.

    Belle and RaShelle, glad to meet you and thanks for stopping by.

    Cassandra, Alex, Margot and Lou - thanks so much for dropping by. I greatly appreciate it.

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  8. Dear Everyone,
    Many thanks for your personal thoughts in progress. If any of you Tweet, I'd appreciate if you spread the word about the book at #withfriendslikethese on Twitter...Also, on Twitter, I'm giving away two free copies of WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE, one for the best bad friend story, and other for the best friendship rule.
    With gratitude
    Sally

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  9. It does sound like a wonderful story that I'm sure many people can relate to. Thanks for the interview.

    CD

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  10. This sounds like such a unique storyline. I certainly will add it to by wish list because of that. I'd love to see how you handle it.

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  11. Thanks for hosting Sally today. Her book definitely sounds wonderful.

    I didn't know about the contest. Good luck to all who enter.

    Cheryl

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  12. Sounds like a very realistic and entertaining book.

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  13. This is going on my "must-have" list immediately, since I have lost so many women friends over the years. Each one hurt so badly. I think now I choose a bit differently, but I'd love to read Sally's take on the issues related to women and friendships.
    Karen

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  14. Good concept for a book, I like the sound of it. Thanks for posting and sharing with us today!

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  15. Reaaly good friendships are the be cherished and treated like gold. Best wishes for the success of WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE.

    Stephen Tremp

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  16. It's so easy and so sad to lose friendships. I think men tend to keep contact with their school friends even if they don't make that much effort to call each other.

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  17. www,sallykoslow.comAugust 3, 2010 at 6:14 PM

    Dear Fans of Thoughts in Progress,

    It's been fascinating and gratifying reading your comments. Clearly, friendship is a complicated subject dear to our hearts. I hope that all of you will get a chance to read WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE and tell me what you think of the book by writing back to me on my website: wwww.sallykoslow.com.

    It's been a pleasure,
    Sally

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  18. Sally, this sounds like a great book. I'll definitely look for it.

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  19. This book sounds very powerful. I understand the feeling of the phantom limb pain. Been there, done that! And indeed it does. Looking forward to reading the book.
    Best,

    Sylvia Dickey Smith

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  20. Great if sad idea for a book. Sounds good, if heartrending!

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  21. another fun one! I'm never getting through my reading list! LOL

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I'd love to hear your thoughts on today's post. Thanks for dropping by.