There’s just something
about the word friendship that makes me smile so when I learned of author Jeremy
Rhyne’s latest release, His Name is Cwiz:
Lessons From a Lifelong Friendship, I
was delighted to tell you about it.
His Name
is Cwiz is a rollicking
tale of living life to the fullest.
Format: Paperback
Publisher:
Circuit Breaker Books!
Pub date:
April 13, 2021
ISBN: 978-1-953639-02-8
eISBN: 978-1-953639-03-5
Genre: Memoir/Humor
Page
count: 328
When a rattlesnake
almost kills his best friend, Caesar “Cwiz” (pronounced Quiz) Ruiz, author
Jeremy Rhyne can’t help but recall all of the wild times they shared growing up
in Southern California — and the profound impression Cwiz has made on his life.
Starting with a covert one-man band in a high school health class that had the
entire room laughing, Cwiz always kept Jeremy on his toes. Through near-death
experiences, Bible study pranks, a kidnapping, hijinx across Europe and Asia,
crashing the OJ trial, game show dating to falling in love and finally growing
up, Cwiz and Jeremy came of age together in surprising and hilarious ways.
Now Jeremy has
collected all of their unbelievable stories into one book that ultimately
charts Cwiz’s journey from class clown to respected and well-loved community
member. His Name is Cwiz is the remarkable story of a lifelong friendship with
a remarkable man — part jester, part sage — and the valuable life lessons
learned along the way.
Now here’s an excerpt for your reading pleasure.
CHAPTER 31
Traffic
School
Cwiz had his fair share of driving infractions. He was not slavishly devoted to obeying the speed limit—or
any other vehicle
code provisions, for that matter. As a result, he found himself
obligated to attend traffic school
from time
to time.
In years
past, traffic school
typically involved spending
an entire Saturday
in a classroom auditorium with hundreds of other miserable souls. The school
would start early, like 8 a.m., and would usually drag on until 4 p.m.,
with a fifteen- minute break in the morning,
a one-hour lunch period, and then a second fifteen- minute break in the afternoon. It
was brutal.
Because every single person
in the room already knew how to drive, the entire
thing felt like a complete waste of time. This was not education; it was
punishment. Telling people the rules of a four-way stop will not prevent them
from speeding, but boring them to tears for eight hours on a gorgeous
and sunny Saturday just might.
Cwiz was
resigned to his punishment on this particular Saturday, but he decided he was
going to extract his fun tax. He was going to find a way to redeem his miserable Saturday
with an experience that he would
never forget. He
brainstormed and came up with a plan.
When he arrived,
about ten minutes before the start of class, the auditorium was nearly
full. Hundreds of people slumped
in their chairs,
preparing to suffer. Cwiz surveyed the scene from the
back of the room and then walked purposefully
toward the center
stage. He took the podium
and saw hundreds
of pairs of eyes land on him.
He said, “Good morning,
everyone. I’m your instructor today.
You can call me Jimmy.”
An uncomfortable silence descended on the room, broken only by the
shifting
of a roomful of strangers in squeaky chairs.
Cwiz continued,
“I have some good news for you today. Although these classes normally go until
4 p.m., I actually have a wedding to go to this afternoon. So, my plan is to rush through
this material as quickly as I can and get us out of here before noon. Sound good?”
The class suddenly perked up in their seats. Some people started
clapping.
Various whoops and hollers of delight broke out
around the auditorium. A contagious grin spread
from stranger to stranger. Cwiz
heard someone shout, “Yes!”
Cwiz went on. “I won’t tell if you don’t, okay? Now I have to get something
I forgot in my car. I’ll be back in a few, and then we’ll get started.”
Cwiz walked down
the center aisle through the room, savoring the open smiles and excited buzz. He walked
out of there like he had just given a State of the Union speech. These people were in
love with him.
He walked out
the back, went to the restroom, and then snuck back into the classroom, grabbing
the last seat in the last row. A guy with a hoodie drawn
over his head, one row in front of him, noticed
him sitting there.
Hoodie said, “What are you doing?” Cwiz said, “I’m here to learn,
bro.” “But you’re the instructor.”
Cwiz just shook his head and gave him an evil smirk.
Hoodie said, “Are you serious,
dude? That’s cold.”
Just then, the
real instructor came in. He walked down the center of the aisle and took the podium,
just as Cwiz had done a few minutes before.
The instructor said, “Good
morning, everyone. My name is Mr. So-and-So. Hopefully all of you picked up the
class materials outside. Please raise your hand if you did not get the material.”
The class sat mute and confused, until one girl raised her hand.
When the
instructor gestured toward her, she said, “Um, I think you must be in the wrong class.
Another instructor actually
came in here and started
the class, but then he had to go get something and he is coming back.”
The instructor looked put out. He said, “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Who came in?”
The girl said, “Some guy came in and said he was our instructor today
and that we were ending early.”
He smiled. “No, I’m afraid not. I am the instructor, and we are going
until 4
p.m. today like we always do. Now, do you have your materials, Miss, or
not?”
The classroom groaned
in agony. One of the students yelled
out, “I want the
other instructor back.”
Meanwhile, Cwiz sank into his chair and whizzed himself
with glee, laughing alone, counting the minutes
until he could call his buddies and tell them what he did.
LIFE LESSON:
Never
underestimate the power of expectation.
Meet the Author
Jeremy Rhyne is an attorney living and working in
Orange County, California. When he is not fighting for truth and justice in the
courts, he enjoys standup paddling, reading, running, traveling, and listening
to Patrick O’Brian novels on a loop.
He is married with two daughters. His Name Is Cwiz is his debut book.
Here are some
informative links for Jeremy and HIS NAME IS CWIZ:
Briam Baumgartner, “Kevin” from “The
Office,” reads HIS NAME IS CWIZ: https://www.instagram.com/p/CMYfBx6AJyW/
Launch Party Live from Las Vegas: https://www.instagram.com/p/CNi31Flha9L/
Website: https://www.jeremyrhyne.com/
Blog: https://www.jeremyrhyne.com/blog/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremyrhyneauthor/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/JeremyRWrites
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56448562-his-name-is-cwiz
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/His-Name-Cwiz-Lifelong-Friendship/dp/195363902X
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/his-name-is-cwiz-jeremy-rhyne/1138541355
Thanks so much for stopping by today. Have you ever
pulled anything like Cwiz did in the excerpt? Does the word friendship make you
smile?
