His Name
is Cwiz is a rollicking
tale of living life to the fullest.
When a rattlesnake
almost kills his best friend, Caesar “Cwiz” (pronounced Quiz) Ruiz, author
Jeremy Rhyne can’t help but recall all of the wild times they shared growing up
in Southern California — and the profound impression Cwiz has made on his life.
Starting with a covert one-man band in a high school health class that had the
entire room laughing, Cwiz always kept Jeremy on his toes. Through near-death
experiences, Bible study pranks, a kidnapping, hijinx across Europe and Asia,
crashing the OJ trial, game show dating to falling in love and finally growing
up, Cwiz and Jeremy came of age together in surprising and hilarious ways.
Now Jeremy has
collected all of their unbelievable stories into one book that ultimately
charts Cwiz’s journey from class clown to respected and well-loved community
member. His Name is Cwiz is the remarkable story of a lifelong friendship with
a remarkable man — part jester, part sage — and the valuable life lessons
learned along the way.
Now here’s an excerpt for your reading pleasure.
CHAPTER 31
Traffic School
In years past, traffic school typically involved spending an entire Saturday in a classroom auditorium with hundreds of other miserable souls. The school would start early, like 8 a.m., and would usually drag on until 4 p.m., with a fifteen- minute break in the morning, a one-hour lunch period, and then a second fifteen- minute break in the afternoon. It was brutal.
Because every single person in the room already knew how to drive, the entire thing felt like a complete waste of time. This was not education; it was punishment. Telling people the rules of a four-way stop will not prevent them from speeding, but boring them to tears for eight hours on a gorgeous and sunny Saturday just might.
Cwiz was resigned to his punishment on this particular Saturday, but he decided he was going to extract his fun tax. He was going to find a way to redeem his miserable Saturday with an experience that he would never forget. He brainstormed and came up with a plan.
When he arrived, about ten minutes before the start of class, the auditorium was nearly full. Hundreds of people slumped in their chairs, preparing to suffer. Cwiz surveyed the scene from the back of the room and then walked purposefully toward the center stage. He took the podium and saw hundreds of pairs of eyes land on him.
He said, “Good morning, everyone. I’m your instructor today. You can call me Jimmy.”
An uncomfortable silence descended on the room, broken only by the shifting
of a roomful of strangers in squeaky chairs.
Cwiz continued, “I have some good news for you today. Although these classes normally go until 4 p.m., I actually have a wedding to go to this afternoon. So, my plan is to rush through this material as quickly as I can and get us out of here before noon. Sound good?”
The class suddenly perked up in their seats. Some people started clapping.
Various whoops and hollers of delight broke out around the auditorium. A contagious grin spread from stranger to stranger. Cwiz heard someone shout, “Yes!”
Cwiz went on. “I won’t tell if you don’t, okay? Now I have to get something I forgot in my car. I’ll be back in a few, and then we’ll get started.”
Cwiz walked down the center aisle through the room, savoring the open smiles and excited buzz. He walked out of there like he had just given a State of the Union speech. These people were in love with him.
He walked out the back, went to the restroom, and then snuck back into the classroom, grabbing the last seat in the last row. A guy with a hoodie drawn over his head, one row in front of him, noticed him sitting there.
Hoodie said, “What are you doing?” Cwiz said, “I’m here to learn, bro.” “But you’re the instructor.”
Cwiz just shook his head and gave him an evil smirk. Hoodie said, “Are you serious, dude? That’s cold.”
Just then, the real instructor came in. He walked down the center of the aisle and took the podium, just as Cwiz had done a few minutes before. The instructor said, “Good morning, everyone. My name is Mr. So-and-So. Hopefully all of you picked up the class materials outside. Please raise your hand if you did not get the material.”
The class sat mute and confused, until one girl raised her hand.
When the instructor gestured toward her, she said, “Um, I think you must be in the wrong class. Another instructor actually came in here and started the class, but then he had to go get something and he is coming back.”
The instructor looked put out. He said, “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Who came in?”
The girl said, “Some guy came in and said he was our instructor today and that we were ending early.”
He smiled. “No, I’m afraid not. I am the instructor, and we are going until 4
p.m. today like we always do. Now, do you have your materials, Miss, or not?”
The classroom groaned in agony. One of the students yelled out, “I want the other instructor back.”
Meanwhile, Cwiz sank into his chair and whizzed himself with glee, laughing alone, counting the minutes until he could call his buddies and tell them what he did.
LIFE LESSON:
Never underestimate the power of expectation.
Meet the Author
He is married with two daughters. His Name Is Cwiz is his debut book.
Here are some informative links for Jeremy and HIS NAME IS CWIZ:
Briam Baumgartner, “Kevin” from “The Office,” reads HIS NAME IS CWIZ: https://www.instagram.com/p/CMYfBx6AJyW/
Launch Party Live from Las Vegas: https://www.instagram.com/p/CNi31Flha9L/
Website: https://www.jeremyrhyne.com/
Blog: https://www.jeremyrhyne.com/blog/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jeremyrhyneauthor/
Twitter: http://twitter.com/JeremyRWrites
Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56448562-his-name-is-cwiz
Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/His-Name-Cwiz-Lifelong-Friendship/dp/195363902X
Barnes & Noble: https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/his-name-is-cwiz-jeremy-rhyne/1138541355
Thanks so much for stopping by today. Have you ever pulled anything like Cwiz did in the excerpt? Does the word friendship make you smile?
Now that is evil. I suspect that if more than one of his fellow students recognised him lynching might have been an option considered.
ReplyDeleteAnd a big, big hooray for friends. Particularly those that walk on the unconventional side.
This sounds like a great story of friendship, Mason. And those 'war stories' can make for really engaging reading. I haven't seen a lot of friendship memoirs like that, so this sounds like an interesting approach to telling about a life. Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHi Mason - this does sound like an amazing story ... with lots to think about. Jeremy seems to have found a wonderful route to authorship -- good for him and all the best. Cheers Hilary
ReplyDelete